Is it ever OK to admit to having a favorite child?
Delving into one of parenthood’s biggest taboos
Parental love – there’s nothing quite like it, right? Right? Parental love is described as this awesome, all-encompassing love, the greatest love on earth. It’s unconditional. Each child is loved and receives love equally. Except that if we are talking honestly, and I mean truly honestly, it’s not always easy to treat them equally, is it? I am going out on a limb here and some may say I am talking about a parenting taboo…yes, I am going to talk about the thorny issue of having a favorite child. It’s something that many parents, I am sure, do have, but dare not speak of for fear of being criticised, and criticised harshly. Parents come in for all sorts of criticism, and who wants to put themselves in the line of fire? But I want to talk a tiny bit about the psychology of having a favorite child. And it may be that the emotions contained in such a situation are more complex than we may think…
Most parents who have more than one kid will surely have experienced these emotions. One kid is easier. One kid is harder. One kid screams, one kid smiles. One kid listens. One kid doesn’t. One kid is way easier to chill out with, and the other one needs attention 27/7, leaving you drained. It doesn’t mean that the easier child is more loved, it can just mean that the parent is more connected with that child, their personalities more aligned, perhaps. Perhaps the parent sees more of themselves in one child than another and that fosters a sense of kinship and friendship.
I’m going to come right out and say it that I find my eldest son, Gor-Gor, easier than my youngest son, Sai-Lo. It’s obviously something I do not advertise or talk about openly, as the last thing I want is for Sai-Lo to have a complex about it, or to take it in any negative kind of way. I love him to pieces, or course I do, just as much as I love his brother, but I definitely find spending time with Gor-Gor infinitely easier. Gor-Gor is physically and verbally affectionate and I get so much back from him. Sai-Lo shuns affection and will actively push me away from him. I know he doesn’t mean it but still, it hurts a little sometimes and I have to find a unique way of reaching him. We have personality clashes all the time. Whereas with Gor-Gor…he is like my best friend. Simple. Easy and beautiful. What do to?
Well, I don’t think there is anything I can do, but be honest with myself. And to not feel bad that I have these emotions. Awareness and honesty in terms of my favoritism is key. I try to fix it. I realise that having special time with Sai-Lo can help us bond further. I also know that the older he gets, the likelihood is that our relationship will change and become easier. I know that I make a huge effort not to treat him differently to Gor-Gor, and never want him to pick up any kind of negativity from me. All I can do, as always, is pour all my energies into being a mom who is present for both of her sons, a mom who strives to create a stimulating, loving and secure home environment for both boys, who shares her love equally – whatever it takes, however hard it is.
I can’t be alone in this! Please, readers, share your thoughts and feelings on this subject with me! Thank you!
